


Date Night

by pan_dora II (pan_dora)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emissary Stiles Stilinski, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Established Relationship, Eternal Sterek, M/M, Mild Gore, Prompt Fic, Protective Derek, Worms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pan_dora/pseuds/pan_dora%20II
Summary: “This is disgusting, this is so disgusting,” he mutters, squinting at his viewfinder. “Why am I here, Derek? What did I ever do to you that you punish me like this?” When he shifts around a little, he steps on something crunchy, and he really hopes it’s part of the vase falling to the floor instead of the dude’s skulls. The supernatural shenanigans hardened him, but he has his limits. “I’m your boyfriend. You told me you love me. I deserve romantic picnics and curly fries and more sex than– oh my god.” Stiles jumps to his feet and away from the body. “Something’s moving, Derek, something is moving.”
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 2
Kudos: 158





	Date Night

“But why is his brain _green_?”

Derek stops wiping his face with the remnants of his shirt and stares at him. The incorrectly coloured brain matter obscures his eyebrows partially, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t currently shifted into the most judgemental position possible. “I don’t know, Stiles,” Derek drawls, resuming the task of cleaning his face, “I was preoccupied with his head exploding.” 

Scrunching up his face, Stiles studies Derek. Even covered in green brain matter, he keeps looking infuriatingly attractive. It’s seriously unfair. At least they're dating now, so he doesn't have to cry himself to sleep over how pretty and unreachable Derek is. They're in a relationship for almost two years, and Stiles still cannot believe he's this lucky. His boyfriend is _perfect_ \- inside and out.

Derek frees his forehead from the green goop.

_Right_. Someone's head exploded. Now really isn't the time to swoon. “I bet that happened because his brain is- was green. _Green_ , Derek!” Stiles throws his hands in the air. “Brains aren’t supposed to be green, what the fuck. What the _fuck_?” 

Saying nothing, Derek plucks a rather large piece of brain from his shoulder. 

Stiles can’t decide if he wants to study it or run as far and fast as he can. His stomach, however, definitely wants to refresh the relationship with his late lunch or early dinner. The brain matter lands on the ground with a disgusting wet sound. Groaning, Stiles covers his mouth with his hand and closes his eyes. Who cares about how to call it? In the end, he wishes he hadn’t eaten anything at all. Maybe he should remember that for the next time Derek drags him off to hunt yet another monster of the week during date night. _Date night_. He's hunting _something_ on date night. 

Come to think of it, Stiles has no clue _what_ that thing even is. 

He should probably check it out. After all, he’s supposed to keep the Bestiary up to date. What kind of emissary would he be if he didn’t do his job properly? Well, as of right now, he'd be an emissary who didn't need to worry about eating backwards. Honestly, that doesn't sound all that bad. Maybe he should just tone it down with the whole emissary thing. 

Stiles sighs.

_Sure_.

While Derek is still occupied with cleaning himself up, Stiles slips off the table and pulls out his phone. He deserves the world's best emissary as well as the world's best boyfriend award for putting up with this shit on date night. Although he wouldn't be quite as forgiving if he had been blasted with green brain matter. Luckily, he's hunting with Derek. Jackson would have used him as a shield. The last thing he should do is complain.

Stiles carefully avoids stepping on a piece of skull and crouches down, aiming his phone to take some pictures. This is still disgusting and not worthy of repetition, though. The closer he inspects what’s right in front of him, the more his lunch threatens to make yet another return. “This is disgusting, this is _so_ disgusting,” he mutters, squinting at his viewfinder. “Why am I here, Derek? What did I ever do to you that you punish me like this?” When he shifts around a little, he steps on something crunchy, and he really hopes it’s part of the vase falling to the floor instead of the dude’s skulls. The supernatural shenanigans hardened him, but he has his limits. “I’m your _boyfriend_. You told me you love me. I deserve romantic picnics and curly fries and more sex than– _oh my god_ .” Stiles jumps to his feet and away from the body. “Something’s moving, Derek, something is _moving_.”

In his haste to get away from whatever is slithering out of what’s left of the guy’s head, Stiles not only almost drops his phone, no, he slips on something as well. He flails around in a desperate attempt to keep his balance. Before he can fall, however, Derek is right by his side. He swoops him off his feet without a problem. “Watching you is a fulltime job.” 

Stiles winks at him, trying to play it cool. “You love watching me, don’t deny it.” 

Derek huffs, but his lips twitch into a small smile. He can pretend to be grumpy and annoyed all he wants, Stiles can see right through him. There’s nothing his dear boyfriend can hide with those expressive eyebrows. Nothing at all. “Wait here,” Derek tells him, dropping him back on the table. “I don’t want you anywhere near that.” 

_That_. Stiles still has no idea what _that_ is supposed to be. The dude was clearly human, so what in the world turned his brain green? That’s not a normal occurrence. It’s not even a supernatural occurrence. At least none Stiles has ever heard of. Well, there’s a reason he’s supposed to continue the Bestiary. Nobody can come up with shit like that. It’s impossible. It’– “oh my god, what the _hell_ is that?” 

Derek stands up and turns around again, holding a wriggling worm towards him. While that’s already bad enough, this thing is dripping some weird green goo. “It’s a worm.” 

“I can _see_ that!” And he very much wishes, he wouldn’t have to.

Derek raises a brow and the worm at the same time. It makes a weird gurgling sound, and Stiles is about ready to throw himself out of the window. _Worms_ , seriously? The things he has to go through. 

“Don’t you want to take a picture?”

“I mostly want it to cease existing. Dead. Its particles scattered to the four winds. I want it to–”

“Take the damn picture, Stiles,” Derek tells him, wiggling the wriggling worm impatiently. 

Curling his lips, Stiles points his phone at the nauseating monstrosity. Again, he squints at the viewfinder and zooms in. Any quality of the picture will be good enough quality for him. He just wants to get out of here and bleach his brain with whatever he finds first. Preferably cute baby animals, but at this point, he really doesn't care all that much. This is horrible. The next time worms are involved in a case, he’s going to pack his bags and leave the country. 

Without really looking, Stiles takes a few pictures - one of them must’ve turned out well enough - and lowers his phone. “Can we go now?” He watches Derek drop then step on the worm. Its dying sound is the most disgusting squelch Stiles has heard in his whole life. His stomach agrees with that particular assessment, and he covers his mouth again, taking a deep breath through his nose. This is going to haunt him until his last day. This will be the one thing he is going to remember on his deathbed. Derek will regret the day he brought him here on date night, that’s for fucking sure. 

Completely unfazed, Derek wipes his hand on his jeans. The only part of his clothes that was moderately clean. 

“You’re not getting into my jeep like that,” Stiles informs him through his fingers. “You’re disgusting. This is disgusting. I loved you, Derek. You were supposed to be my forever.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.” 

“Dramatic?” Stiles throws his hands in the air. “Today is date night, kochanie. Look around, does this look like date night to you?” All he wanted to do was to go to the cinema, grab something to eat and have some fun. Instead, he had to watch a guy’s head explode. He’s seriously starting to regret his life choices. 

“We could still make it in time for the late showing if you stopped complaining.” 

Stiles jabs a finger in Derek’s direction. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

To his surprise, Derek moves in front of him with a soft smile and cups Stiles’ cheeks. “I am,” he whispers, tilting his head back enough to have easy access to his mouth. No matter how long they’re together, Derek never fails to turn Stiles’ insides to mush and him into a grinning mess. “I’m the luckiest man on earth.” 

Stiles wraps his arms around Derek's shoulders and nudges his nose. "You're such a big softie."

Derek hums. "Want me to carry you out of here?"

"Yes, _please_ ," Stiles urges, shifting impatiently. "I don't wanna slip on brain matter again, potentially hit my head, and die alongside worm man. I couldn't do that to my dad… or you."

"What would I do without you?" Derek grabs him underneath his thighs and hoists Stiles off the table without much of a problem. As much as the werewolves love to show off their superior strength, it's really hard to complain in moments like these. 

Stiles wraps his legs around Derek's middle, grinning into the crook of his neck. "You want a list?" They both know he wouldn't make it a day without him. Well, maybe he would make it a day. But he definitely wouldn't make it a week.

Derek kisses the top of his head. "I want the research by the end of the week."

“That’s in two days,” Stiles reminds him, drawing his eyebrows together. He isn’t in high school any longer. All the work he has to do for college eats up so much more time. Derek can’t just expect him to drop everything to research stuff he can read up on himself. “Do I look like a walking and talking supercomputer?” Tipping his head back, Stiles glares up at his boyfriend.

Derek glances down at him. “You look like my emissary.” 

“You know what?” 

Quirking his brow, Derek regards him silently. 

Stiles opens his mouth and completely blanks. He doesn’t have any assignments, tests, or essays to write. No birthdays are coming up. The next semester starts in a month. “Yeah, I have nothing.” 

Chuckling, Derek pats his ass and kicks the door shut behind him. Whoever finds that mess is going to have a fun time. Stiles is so not going to be around for that.

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me over on [tumblr](https://msmischief101.tumblr.com/)


End file.
